Slight set back..

Just a quick update as I want to log everything that happens during this process. After the doctors appointment I think it was the first time in my life I was desperate for my period to arrive. Hooray 1st of March came along and so did my period. Just 21 days until I can go for my ovulation blood test. A few days after this we received a letter in the post, noticing the stamp on the envelope was from the surgery I couldn't help but get excited. I don't know what I thought it would be, maybe a letter of referral or updates on options? As I quickly scanned the letter I saw NHS funding and automatically thought 'wow this is actually happening'. I then reread the letter and the exact words were 'you will not receive any NHS  funding'. I don't know why I was so disappointed as we didn't even think we would qualify to begin with. Firstly we were quite offended that they even had to state we weren't eligible as we had never asked for funding. We simply asked to be pointed in the right direction. Secondly I was annoyed at how blunt and impersonal this letter was. Not that I wanted a long letter of apology, but something a bit more than 'no funding for you' would have been nice. I guess I should be grateful for them giving us a name of a fertility clinic (as if I couldn't have googled that). 

I was at my parents house when I read the letter while my partner was at work. I went quiet for a while trying to digest the information. My Mum was still chatting away, oblivious to the situation. At that point I couldn't keep the tears in. It sounds silly but I was more upset about the way they had wrote the letter. I went straight onto the clinic website they had suggested and started looking at prices. By then I was pretty upset and I think my Mum had realised. The IUI treatment package was £800 alone (I'm still unsure if this includes the sperm). There were obvious other costs along with this. My first thought was how bad we were at saving and the reality set in that we might not be able to afford this for a long time. My mum being the supportive person she is, gave me the biggest hug and told me she would do anything to help. I knew she meant it and we started reading the success stories on the website, reading about a lesbian couple having twins obviously made me think positive again.

Although this wasn't really a set back because we knew there was a large chance we would not be eligible for funding, it still felt like it was. It just became a lot more clear that this would not be an easy process. It will be worth all the stress in the end and I know it hasn't even begun for us yet. We just need to think positive and keep taking small steps, small steps towards completing our family.

Update..doctors appointment.

After plucking up the courage to book an appointment with my local GP I had to wait three daunting weeks until the date finally came. I had some serious and some not so serious worries during this period. Wondering if the GP would judge me on my ripped jeans and think this was a sign of immaturity was a genuine worry of mine! This question to my partner actually happened 'do you think he will refer us if I wear trainers and ripped jeans'. I know now that was a bit ridiculous of me but as I have come to realise by my partners looks and comments, I am quite ridiculous at times.

The appointment day finally arrived, and although I have been excited I have kind of been blocking it out of my mind (apart from the times I have been revising and memorising the speech I would say). I was that crazy I asked my partner which sounds better 'trying for a family or wanting a baby'. These were all legitimate worries going through my mind.

We pulled up outside the doctors office with about 10 minutes to spare and I felt sick with nerves, as if I'm going into an exam. I sat there staring into space, my partner thinking I'm insane and just wanting to go inside. After a few tears from me being so nervous and the fact that my partner was so calm we finally went inside. Still as nervous as when I handed in my dissertation I sat in the waiting room with my partner telling me to dance, trying to calm me down.

We get called into the room walking through the long corridor I whispered to my partner 'I can't do this'. First I awkwardly introduced my partner as the doctor gave her a strange 'who the hell are you' look. I blurted out something about wanting a baby and my speech went out the window at this point. I explained how I had researched the process and how everything pointed to the GP and that we needed a referral for the fertility clinic.

The GP was an older gentleman and seemed very out of his comfort zone. He admitted this was his first experience with this. There was an long awkward silence while he made confusing noises fiddling with his computer looking for an option to refer us. It's 2016 isn't there an option which states 'SAME SEX COUPLE WANT A BABY!!' sadly not. So he asked me if I'd spoken to any fertility clinics which I hadn't as I thought this was the first step, which he seemed strangely annoyed at and even said 'yes GP's seem to be the first point of call for everything'.

I shouldn't complain too much as he was by no means unfriendly, just lacking knowledge in this particular area, which is kind of frustrating. Anyway the outcome was successful as he is sending me for blood tests to see if I am ovulating and is referring me to Peterborough fertility clinic. Although he didn't seem like he would be up for attending any gay pride events he definitely wasn't as shocked or judgmental as I had originally thought he may be. All in all we feel like it was a positive step in the right direction. The direction which leads to a lovely screaming bundle of joy!!

Getting started ..baby making (hopefully)

It all started with my baby obsession and a constant 'one day' attitude. I would think about the day my partner said she was ready to start a family. I would drop not so little hints like 'what would we call our baby'. See I told you they were not so little hints! I had been researching for a long time, searching endlessly for blogs or anything that would give me the information regarding same sex couples and trying to conceive. I even resorted to scrolling through random Instagram posts with the hashtag 'lesbianmums'. I would get lost in a baby filled worlds and get overly excited about something I had no idea when or even how it could happen.

So..the day finally comes when I mention babies to my partner and she doesn't look like she wants to punch me in the face! Success!! I obviously started crazily researching and reading anything I could find on the subject. Statistics and government  information were informative but not quite what I was looking for. I seemed to only come across either American sperm banks (why are English guys so afraid of sharing their little guys?) maybe it's the new law that makes them become automatic dads when the sperm knocks at the door when they turn 18! I also watched a bunch of YouTube videos of lesbians trying to get pregnant, again predominately in the U.S so not that helpful. It wasn't easy to find information relating to the UK, this is the main reason I wanted to start this blog. If I can help a couple even slightly then it'll be worth it.

Back to the researching, hours spent reading pointless documents and awful daily mail articles like 'lesbians getting babies on the NHS' helped me realise I wasn't going to get anywhere without a referral from my GP, unless we wanted to spend £950 on sperm and find a turkey baster we liked the look of. So that was it, it all started with that phone call. Our appointment was booked, no going back now (well unless I cancelled the appointment of course). Here it all begins...two women, one desperate and one not so desperate but coming around to the idea of having a baby.